We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
