Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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