Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
