his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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