I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
