Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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