There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
