Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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