I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
