YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
