96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
