marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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