She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
