Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
