I accidentally had phone sex last night
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
