glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
