You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
