why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
