After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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