I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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