i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
