I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
