Sry I called you an 8
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
