Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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