I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
