I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
