just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
