I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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