Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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