I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
