last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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