I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
