how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
