guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
