got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
