these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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