I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
