either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
