i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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