you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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