I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
No subtext here. People are naked.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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