My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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