we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
