You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
