i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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