wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
