I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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