She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
