you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
