try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize