I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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