she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
